And of course I’m in front of the enormous television screen. It’s longer than I am tall. I’ve been brought back maybe fifteen times since my ex turned me into Candi. It bothers me a lot that I can’t recall exactly how many times. These are the only times when I’m alive, anymore. Not that it’s really a life. But these are the only times when I’m myself—when he brings me back to see what he’s done to me. And what he’s made me do. I’m groggy. Although he uses a trigger phrase—that’s what he calls it, a ‘trigger phrase’—bringing me back isn’t like flipping a switch. It takes about 45 minutes, apparently. Candi shuts down. The jet fuel of endorphins and dopamine and adrenaline and that propels her sexual insanity drains off. She wanes, I wax, we pass each other in my mind and my biology. The subtler combinations of chemicals that sustain my personality fill my reservoir. Andi—that’s me—returns. To life. The only fragments of life I’m allowed, any more. During the third waking, I asked. She had placed second in the state chess championship the previous year in the 18-and-under class. I was naturally very proud of her, and I made no secret of that. My wife is Korean, and for cultural reasons she was even more doting on Tammy for her academic and intellectual achievements than I was.So Mindy was not only the middle child, but also far less athletically inclined than her brother and far less intellectually gifted than her sister. She missed out on the attention her siblings received as the genius and the sports star. Not that Mindy was without her own gifts — she was an extremely attractive girl. The Eurasian features, the silky long black hair, and the perfect complexion she inherited from her mother, combined with the long legs, the lean form, and the big brown eyes (which nevertheless retained an almond-tilt) she received from my genes made her a real beauty. When she grew up, she would be a heart-stopper, I had always thought. My wife Sung Soon (she went by Soonie).
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